Mary, Did You Know?

This song... 

Mary, did you know?

It's always been a Christmas favorite of mine. It carved even deeper into my heart when I became the mother of a boy, my 3 year old spunky, spirited Deuce. It has etched even further now, as the mother to my angel Malachi. The words have an entirely new meaning. 

Mary did you know? It makes me wonder what Mary knew about this child she carried, The Son of God. Did God shield her heart from what lay before her? Did God allow her glimpses of knowing who Jesus would be? Did God tell her she would have to do 2 incredibly difficult things in her life?; bring her Jesus into the world, then watch him die? Would she have still said yes to the angel who delivered the news to her? Would any mother choose this, knowing the things that lie ahead? 

Don't get me wrong, I am not comparing my Malachi to Mary's Jesus, I just feel a new connection to this Mother Mary. Malachi came to us as a surprise pregnancy, unexpected. But we welcomed him with open arms, so excited for him. Then our journey began, and my Malachi began to change lives. Not just mine, but countless stories of those around me who's lives have been affected by his. Lives won for the Kingdom and eternity because of him. His story is still changing lives, I hear it near weekly, stories of his impact. It helps to know these. 

Approaching Christmas, our first one without Malachi, I mourn with Mary. I wonder how she felt when she approached His first birthday without Him (what we now celebrate as Christmas) I wonder if she felt the loss the same because after all, even though He was the King of Kings, He was still her baby boy. I wonder if she rejoiced when He was remembered in the same way I do when I hear Malachi's name spoken. I wonder if His death made her long for heaven that much more, as I do. Answers I know I won't find this side of heaven, but it makes me ponder it that much more. How she felt when he was born and when she had to say goodbye, because she was human. When I imagine what she had to go through, it makes me love and admire her so much more. 

I wonder that if even God showed her all that was ahead, would she have said yes? I know I would. I know that I would have said yes to everything over and over to have those 4 months with our Malachi. I know that knowing his purpose here and seeing eternal impact makes things better, but not 100%. But I would choose it all over again. As I think Mary would. Because to know that love, to honor that love, to be a part of that kind of love; there is nothing better.