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Monday, November 26, 2012

Jealousy {envy}

jeal·ous

adjective
1.
feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of  ).

Yikes! when it's put like that then I'm not sure that describes what I feel. I have a jealousy, however I definitely do not see it as resentment. Maybe it's envy that's more of what I feel. 

en·vy

noun
1.
a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Actually that sounds about right. Let me be transparent (an vulnerable for a moment here.) There are a few things I envy, but I will write about only one. That is my envy of stay at home moms(SAHMs). We are all given time, time to do what God has called us to do. I stole this photo from a friend over at http://called2beamom.blogspot.com/ 
God gave us all time. I am envious of the way that SAHMs get to spend their time. They have the day to make sure the home is kept up, meals are made, bills are paid, and of course and probably most important of all they get to spend their time with their kids. Loving on them throughout the day, exploring new things throughout the day, just being able to BE with them. I hate that 40 hours of my week is spent away from my child, that's nearly 2 entire days. 2 days of things I miss out on, laughter, giggles, games, adventures.. I don't negate the work that SAHMs do, I know they face challenges as well, and I have the utmost respect for them, as a matter of fact, most of my friends are SAHMs and they do a wonderful job. 
I struggle with this envy because I am learning right in this moment about how to now prioritize the limited time I have so that I am able to keep our home going and be able to spend time with my boy(s). I normally am an overcommitter, I usually say yes to everything, I love to be involved. This fall I had to say no to something I really wanted to do, something I have a passion for, because I just didn't have the time. A twinge of sadness overcame me that I had to make that choice. Envy starts to creep in, thoughts of "If I could just be at home then I would have the time I need and still be able to pursue my passions" - I have to squash those thoughts, because if I don't I'll wind up just feeling sorry for myself. Instead, I've relished in the extra time that I've had to spend with my baby boy. The hours I've gotten with him because I said no to this opportunity. I still hate that I had to say no though. Envy is a hard thing to squash. The Enemy can use it to drive wedges between friends, and I've tried my absolute hardest to not let that happen with mine. 
Do you deal with envy? What's your strategy for squashing it?
I know that God has a plan, I know he sees me now in this moment and he has equipped me to be a mother, knowing I would have to be working right now. My prayer is for the day when my time is filled with the laughter and love of my children and running our household. 

I know God watches me, I know he sees my struggle, I trust Him.....I will not be discouraged.

"When Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is He, His eye is on the sparrow, and I KNOW He watches over me.."



Saturday, November 24, 2012

Front yard adventures and fever.

Yesterday I had the day off! Horray for State worker holidays! Hubby went to Redding to go fishing with his friend, so it was just me and my boy. I love these days. I cherish the days where I get him all to myself and we get to play, laugh, and explore together all day. Sure, it can be tiring, but I wouldn't trade these days for anything. The weather was exceptionally gorgeous on Friday, especially for being the day after Thanksgiving and the end of November! I scored an amazing deal on a new DSLR camera on Black Friday so I couldn't wait to start taking photos of my little man! 

My child would live outside if he could. He's always loved it. Even from infancy, if he fussed, we could take him outside and he would immediately settle down. Whenever we open the door he makes a beeline for it, hoping to get the chance to explore the world beyond our walls. We've let him out in the front yard before, he loves it! On one side of our yard we have a rock bed, and since Deuce could crawl he's had his eye on that bed of rocks...I've never let him explore over there until Friday. I was to afraid he'd bite a rock and chip his pearly whites or eat a bug. Well Friday I let him at it and he had the best time! 
See those rocks behind him on the path? He decided those didn't need to be in the rock bed anymore
Yep, immediately mud or a rock went in his mouth...oh well, YES I am that mom who lets her boy eat mud, it's either let him or fight him, I'll pick my battles. I didn't let him chew on a rock though ;)
Loving exploring the rock bed!
 brown eyed boy (and muddy mouthed boy) playing in the fall leaves

I love this little face!

Friday evening a fever set in from his one year shots earlier in the week :( this makes my heart sad, but I get alot of snuggles from my usually energizer bunny boy. Some pics from our cuddle session Saturday evening

 this is his super cheesy, mouth wide open, crinkled nose, squinty eyed smile. (and Teeth, he's got 8!)
I LOVE this smile (and the drool stream!) I also love that when he's not feeling well he can still smile.

 Just playing with the new camera, he's looking like such a big boy
 Any woman alive would kill for these lashes!
 when you're not feeling well, mommy's legs are a good place to rest
Love these curls, little fingers, chubby cheek, and that he just wants to be close when he's not feeling well.

I love seeing life through my baby boys eyes! I love seeing how a rock bed and some leaves can be so entertaining! I love that when he's not feeling well he runs to me! Isn't that how our heavenly father is with us! When we are down or discouraged he wants us to run to Him and rest in Him! When we need something, he wants us to run to Him! I love how seeing life through my boy's eyes makes me more aware of how God feels about us as His children.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yolk is easy, and my burden is light. (NIV)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Sisters

We all have sisters, whether it be by chance or by choice. Girls all have sisters. I have a sister. She's pretty incredible. I also have a couple girlfriends that I consider sisters. However, there is nothing like the sister you grow up with. The sister that is there everyday, to fight with, talk to, laugh with, cry with, and grow up right next to. This post is in honor of my sister. Today is her birthday and I feel so blessed that God chose us to be sisters. 1 yr apart, irish twins, completely opposite in some ways, yet two of a kind. We had a blast growing up together. The younger years spent playing with barbies and our brothers legos, teenage years spent fighting and learning how to get along, college years becoming closer, and now into our adult lives where we are separated by distance because of her love for the US Navy, but somehow we are closer than ever. Days feel weird when we don't talk on the phone. I'm proud of my sister. I'm proud to say she challenges me to be stronger and speak up, I'm proud to say she's been there in my darkest times to let me cry on her shoulder, I'm proud she's also been right by my side in the happiest of times, I'm proud she serves our country, I'm proud that she's a wonderful Aunty to my baby boy, I'm proud that no matter what she has always been there. My sister is one of my heroes. We have inside jokes that only the two of us get..and memories that only the two of us share...who has the better nose, mr funny duck, hiding under the covers when a strong storm blew out the transformer up the street and exploded the across the street neighbors front light, sharing a room... It's been quite the transition with her being in the US Navy and not having her here close to home. We've had to learn to plan our times together, make it a point to get on the phone, text, facebook...and all of our time together is that much more precious! I've made a point to visit her in every place she's been stationed so I can learn about her life there, see her life there, meet her friends I hear so much about. It makes me feel closer to her. She's about to leave for a 6 month deployment and how I will miss her so. I am thankful for Skype and being able to stay connected! She truly is one of a kind. 



Happy Birthday Sissy! 
I hope you feel honored and blessed today. No one will love you like I do, our sisters love will never be broken. ILY.

 Ecc 4:9-10 Two are better than one because they have good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Comparison & Mommy guilt

We're all guilty of comparison. Whether it be to houses we live in, jobs we have, bank accounts, or cars we drive. It's human fault to compare ourselves to others. For me, my biggest fault in this area is comparing myself as a working mom, to moms who are able to stay home with their babies. I try not to give in to often to the "working mommy guilt" I get, but sometimes it becomes to much and a cloud of sadness covers me. 

I start to think that stay at home moms are better moms for many reasons: They get to stay home and raise their babies, when their babies are sick they get to snuggle them all day, they get to go to playdates, they get to take walks to the park and play in the midday sun, they get the 'best time of day' with their babies. 

Then I have to remind myself of TRUTH.

Am I a bad mother because society tells me "well why do you want someone else raising your child"? NO. God gave him to my husband and I to raise. We are the ones who will instill Godly values in him and raise him in a Christ centered home. We are the ones who set the example and rules. Even if someone else has a hand in reinforcing what we teach him, I still raise my child.
Am I a bad mother because I am not with him during the day? No, God gave my this beautiful child and he loves me and knows who his mommy is. I'm being a good mother by working and contributing to providing for him.
Am I a bad mother because when he is sick and I don't have time to take off work, I have to leave him with someone else? No, when he's been sick and I haven't been able to take time off, he always with a family member. I know they love him and are giving him the snuggles and care he needs. Would I rather it be me? Of course! But I'm not a bad mother because of this.
Am I a bad mother because I can't take him on playdates? No, because I can! They just have to be scheduled a little more differently. 
Am I a bad mother because we don't get to go on walks and play in the midday sun? No, we just go on the weekends!
Am I a bad mother because his care provider usually gets the "best time of day" with my son(which tends to be midday)? No, I love that he is so happy where he is and loves to play with his playmate, they giggle, and laugh, and have such a wonderful time. Do I wish I was there, yes, but I'm not a bad mother because I'm not.

I know I am a good mother because I know that the Lord entrusted Samuel LaRon Gordon II "Deuce" to only my husband and I. God's precious gift to nurture and love for all our days. I know I am a good mommy because I would lay down my life for my child. I refuse to give into society and keep comparing myself to the SAHMs I know and make myself feel bad. 


It's easy to trust the Lord in easy times, but I'm learning to trust him in this struggle. This heart longing that I have to be at home with my baby boy. This desire I have burning within me. I trust Him with the heartbreak that happens everyday when I leave my child, I trust Him with my tears. I know that the Lord cares about the desires of my heart, and I am promised them. Until they come to pass, I will continue to remind myself that no matter what society says, I am a good mommy! I will trust him in this hard time. 


Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart. (AMP)

The light of my life: Deuce
Photography by Rhonda Piper Photography

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Jamie.


Hi! I'm Jamie! I'm a wife, a mommy, and a worker with a full time job! I'm starting this blog on my 30th birthday to document my life juggling my faith, family, and working away from the home! (also to keep our family that's out of town up to date on the happenings of Team Gordon) As I write this I am reminded that God cares about the deepest desires of our hearts! I am comforted by this as there are many things I desire and that I am promised God will provide for! This is my journey into knowing my faith will make those desires a reality. My journey with my family and my God. Hope you enjoy the ride!



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