Malachi's Birthday.

Malachi "Chi"(kye) James Gordon was born on March 7, 2014. 14 weeks and 2 days prior to when he was expected. "Expected arrival date" only to us, but not to God. God knew he would come early. God knew the struggles he and we, as his parents, would face. God also knew someone in the world needed to see what a miracle really looks like. God knew somewhere, someone would be encouraged by the growth of our faith and by Malachi's strength and perseverance through this journey. And God has never left our side since this journey began.

Romans 5:3-5 But we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

A lot of people know Malachi came early, and have followed along his journey, this story is about why he came so early. I want to share this because this story explicitly shows the steps God ordered in my life to save both Malachi's life and my own.

At our 20 week ultrasound we were excited to see our baby boy. We had known he was a boy for a few weeks and loved every glimpse we had of him. My sister even came with us and watched in amazement as our little man wiggled around and sucked his thumb. A few days after my appointment I received an email from my doctor stating that the ultrasound looked good but the radiologist had though there was a tiny bit of fluid around Malachi's heart. She had me schedule a follow up ultrasound for 4wks later. At my appointment after the 20wk ultrasound my doctor assured me everything looked fine, but to still go to the follow up "just to be sure". A conservative follow up she had said. She also stated Malachi looked a little small but she wasn't very concerned because my full term baby (Deuce) was ony 5lbs 6oz at birth. I went home confident things were great. The week prior to the follow up ultrasound (scheduled for March 3rd) I wasn't feeling well. I couldn't describe how I felt but something was 'off'. Tuesday of that week I began to have pain in my right upper abdomen, under my ribcage. It hurt to breathe, to walk, to lie down, to do anything. I took some tylenol and it alleviated it to a point that I could function and it was more of a nuisance. Wed it was worse and by Thursday I was in a staff meeting at my workplace with my head on the table because I felt so lousy. I even attempted to go to my girls' soccer practice that afternoon and my other coach took one look at me and told me to go home. I went home and made an appointment to be seen on Friday. Thursday night I went to bed and woke up Friday morning and the pain was GONE. Horray! I even cancelled my appointment because I felt so great. Besides, I figured I had an ultrasound appointment the following Tuesday so I'd already be going there in case I started to feel lousy again. The weekend was great. I was feeling good. Tuesday came around and it was time for the follow up ultrasound, LaRon had taken the day off to come with me. The ultrasound started and the tech asked why we were there, I said to follow up on his heart. She said his heart looked great and normal, no fluid. **EXHALE** we were good and going to head home, we thought. She began to do some other measurements and make some comments about his size. Then she began to ask some 'weird' questions to us such as "have you guys been seen in L&D yet?", "have they checked you yet?"..our answers were "no". She then said she needed to have the radiologist look at things before we left and left the room. LaRon and I looked at each other with a bit of confusion..and we waited..what seemed like hours..finally the tech came back and told us we needed to go to L&D to be checked. So we headed that way. I vividly remember walking down the hall thinking "I am going to be so late for work, what the heck". I told LaRon I was worried. He said everything was going to be ok. We got to L&D and the flurry around us began. I was immediately admitted (even though I still didn't know what was happening) and placed on monitors. Fear began to rise (along with my blood pressure) and I began to have a bit of a freak out, i had no clue what was going on and kept hearing about me being admitted, high risk, etc... A wonderful nurse we know personally happened to be working that day and came into our room and immediately called the doctors to come and talk to us. The doctor finally came and did her own ultrasound in the room and let us "IN" on what was happening. There was a blood flow issue in our son's umbilical cord. That is likely why he is so small and I would be admitted for continual monitoring of this for at least 48hrs. 48hrs, "Ok" I thought "I can do 48hrs in the hospital". I was admitted to a hospital room and hooked up to multiple monitors, I was given steroid shots for Malachi's lungs, IV's were put in, and eventually that day was told I wouldn't just be there for 48hrs, I would be there until I delivered my son. What a life changing few hours. That night LaRon stayed with my and Deuce went to my in-laws house. IT was a lot to process. How could I be in the hospital for 14 weeks with my two year old and husband at home. I was scared. The following day I was placed on a 12 hour Magnesium drip for neural protectant for Malachi. GAH that stuff is awful. AWFUL. There was a parade of people in and out of our room the high risk doctors came to look at me and did another ultrasound confirming the cord issue, a neonatologist came to speak to LaRon and I about what we should expect if we were to deliver this early, genetics came and took blood for testing. And MY OB came just to check on me and see if I was OK, I have a great relationship with her and she was so reassuring, and so glad she had made the 'conservative' follow up for us. We found out this cord issue is an issue that a lot of times goes unnoticed and typically ends in stillbirth. It wasn't to bad for Malachi yet, but they wanted me there for continual monitoring so that when it got to the point of being really bad, they could deliver him. Deuce came to see me that evening after school. He knew something was wrong. In his sweet 2yr old voice he said "My MOMMY!" When he first saw me then climbed into my hospital bed and cuddled with me. The best cuddles ever. I knew we'd have to get used to this 'new normal' for us. When Deuce left it was heartbreaking, he didn't want to let me go and kept saying "mommy we go" "mommy we go" and was pulling me towards the door. It shattered my heart that he had be separated from me. I cried into LaRon's shoulder and he stayed the night again. Thursday was a quieter day, monitoring, doctors checks, nothing had really changed. We decided it would be best for LaRon to be home with Deuce so that he could feel some security in this chaos. That evening LaRon left for home and a couple of my girlfriends came to hang out with me for a while. The superintendent of the school LaRon teaches at and I coach at came to pray and talk with me. Everything was good, calm. I was learning how to sleep through the hospital noises and every 4hr lab blood draws. I was finally coming to terms with being there for so long and resolved I would do anything for my baby so this was just how it was going to be. Thursday night I went to sleep. I woke around 2am with pain under my right rib-cage, exactly like what I had the week before, but this time it was worse. I rang for my nurse. I tried to describe to her that it felt like my ribs were being squeezed from the inside, it hurt to breathe, move, everything. She gave me some pain medicine after it wasn't getting better for a while and immediately it took the pain away, more labs were taken, and I went back to sleep. I was woken at 4am by a high risk doctor and my nurse informing me they were going to do an MRI to see if my gallbladder was acting up, they also took more blood for labs. Gallbladder problems can be common in pregnancy so I thought "no big deal". After the nurse got done reading down all the questions and stuff they tell you before an MRI, the high risk doctor rushed in and informed me that no I would not be having the MRI but that they needed to deliver my baby right away. I was alone. Scared. And was just told my precious baby would have to be delivered at 25wks and 5days gestation. My labwork had indicated that in 4 hours (midnight to 4am labs) I had gone from 'normal' to full blown HELLP Syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HELLP_syndrome). To save my life and my baby's life I had to be delivered. I was immediately placed back on Magnesium, this time for to to prevent seizures, and was told the pain in my ribs was my liver enlarging and on the verge of rupture. I immediately called LaRon to have him come as quick as possible. I told the doctors I couldn't do this alone and could we please wait for my husband. They said they would wait as long as they could. My nurse Stacy stayed by my side the whole time and held my hand. LaRon got to the hospital and immediately after he arrived they wheeled me back to the OR. Stacy my nurse held my hands and comforted me as the spinal was placed, I was laid on the table, prepped for the C section and LaRon was brought in. My only vivid memories of those moments were looking into LaRon's eyes with tears and him reassuring me, I remember hearing "time of birth 6:31am", I remember NOT hearing my baby cry, I remember hearing the NICU staff working on him. I remember hearing them say he was stable, intubated and ready to go downstairs. LaRon went with them. He was told he should go because it was likely Malachi would not survive. The doctors had to work for a while to stitch me up, because of the HELLP and my drastically low platelets I had bled a lot. I remember feeling like I wanted to pass out, I think I did. Then I was in recovery. Hearing other moms with their crying babies. I was a wreck. She assured me it was ok. LaRon came back up. He said Malachi was ok, but so so small. Our precious boy weighed only 1 pound 2(really 1.8) ounces. He sat with me. I was in and out of sleep. The rest of the day is a blur. Between the magnesium, the pain meds, and the trauma of what we'd just been through I don't have many other memories of that day or the following few days. I didn't get to see my son until Saturday evening. I was finally off the magnesium and able to go down to the NICU. I had a fear of seeing him, "how would I react to a tiny 1lb baby" "Would he look like my baby" "how would I feel", LaRon assured me I would 'know' him and he would be just as precious to me as was our full term baby. We got to the NICU and I saw him for the first time. Emotions flooded me. My baby was here. Early. hooked up to tubes. future unknown. But for now he was here and alive. I got to hold his hand. His skin was transparent. You could see his heart beating through his chest. I talked gently to him. Told him how much I loved him and would always do anything for him. I told him how sorry I was that I'd gotten sick but that I'd be here every step of his way until he came home. I don't remember going back upstairs. I don't remember much of that weekend. I remember seeing him. I remember literally feeling my heart shatter. I remember picking up the pieces and giving them to Jesus and telling him to put them back together. I remember a lot of prayer. I was discharged a few days later. The hardest thing I've every had to do was leave my newborn at the hospital. It's against all motherly instinct and against everything that is "supposed" to be. But once Deuce saw me home I knew I was where I was supposed to be. Home to heal, home to rest, home to be there for my Husband and my two yr old. Home to recuperate strength so I could be the mother Malachi would need in the coming weeks.

The bible states verse after verse that our steps are ordered by Him:
Proverbs 20:24 A Person's steps are ordered by the Lord. (NIV)
Proverbs 16:9 In their hearts human's plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (NIV)
Psalms 37:23 The Lord directs the steps of the Godly (NLT)

I have never seen such a distinct picture of steps being directed by God as in Malachi's birth story. A conservative follow up ultrasound was ordered (for a "problem" that never existed), which led to his cord issue being found to be monitored, which led to me being in the hospital when the HELLP syndrome developed and became life threatening, which led to delivery to save both Malachi's and my life. I can't imagine the outcome had I not been in the hospital when the HELLP syndrome arose. I would have probably shaken off the pain, taken tylenol, and figured it would go away like it had the week before. The doctors told LaRon over and over how 'lucky' we were to be there already because it's highly likely I would not have made it had we been home. We know we are not 'lucky'. We know our steps were ordered by the King of Kings who guides us every day. Our steps were ordered so that my life and my son's life would be saved. How AMAZING is the love of Jesus. To do all that for me. It leaves me speechless. He loved me that much, to make a way for me to still be here. To still be with my husband (my angel on loan), to still be mommy to my treasures I have in my two sons. He loved me that much to spare my life. When I talk about the real, tangible, love of my Jesus, it's something I can't even really put into words. HE LOVES ME, like for real.

And you know what?, He loves you too. He died for you too. He too will order your steps. No matter what you are facing, you can trust Jesus with your past, your today, and your tomorrow.

Our journey with Malachi is far from over. We have had many ups and downs along the way. But we've (and YOU) have been witness to miracle after miracle. Our boy is alive, he is a living, breathing miracle and demonstration of God's love. God has mighty plans for this little one. Even the doctors say "we don't know why he's still here but he is" And my response is "Do you know my Jesus? because HE is why Malachi is still here".

If you'd like to follow his journey a Facebook page was set up for him www.facebook.com/Love4Chi